The Cannibal Case

Episode: 3x04 [Fine Young Cannibal]
Client: Clarence Nichols
Case: The client was charged with desecrating human remains in violation of the Human Welfare and Safety Healthy Code.
CP&S Representation: Shirley Schmidt and Alan Shore
Opposing Counsel: Assistant District Attorney Frank Ginsberg
Presiding: Judge Clark Brown
Witness: Jane Baker
Result: The jury found the client to be not guilty.
Notes:

• Clarence Nichols was a homeless man who had been discovered eating the remains of his best friend, Joseph Greenberg.
• Judge Brown had assigned the case to Shirley, and she asked Alan to be second chair. Alan performed all the questioning and did the closing.
• Nichols' explanation for his actions was that he and Greenberg had a pact to cremate the body of whichever of them died first, but because he was so hungry, he couldn't resist the smell of the cooking flesh.
• At the time of the arrest and trial, A.D.A. Ginsberg was running for District Attorney.
• Afte the verdict was read, Alan gave Mr. Nichols $5000 of his own money, calling it an 'experimental program' to help the less fortunate.
• Alan's closing: "A billion and a half Christians routinely go to Church on Sundays and ceremoniously eat the body of Christ. Drink His blood. 'He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood, abides in Me and I in him.' Jesus said that." Judge Clark Brown: How dare you?! "What? Who have I offended now?" Judge Clark Brown: Oh, dear. You take a holy sacrament literally. "Is that not done?" Judge Clark Brown: You have equated it with a vile and despicable act! "I apologize, Your Honor. To the jury. I certainly don’t mean to indict Holy Communion. But! Let’s not carry on with the idea that the notion of cannibalism offends the sanctity of life! It has roots not only in sacraments, not to be taken literally, but also Greek mythology, it’s still glorified in certain sections of both, the South and I believe, Malibu. And I might add, it’s not illegal! There’s no Federal law, no Massachusetts law that criminalizes cannibalism. That’s why Mr District-Attorney-My-Name-Appears-Second-On-The-Ballot-This-November-Ginsberg has trumped up these other charges - desecration, and so forth - and lectured you on dignity and sanctity.

"There is no dignity in starving to death! When a homeless person is left to rot on a slab, the sanctity of life somehow gets trivialized. Mr District-Attorney-My-Name-Appears-Second-On-The-Ballot-This-November-Ginsberg wants you to be offended. You know what offends me? We have, in this country, over a million homeless people. The government can’t feed them. Can’t give them shelter. But, 'Hey! Let’s spend sixty to seventy thousand dollars to prosecute one who tried to stave off death! Let’s spend another forty-five thousand a year to imprison him!' There is no dignity in that! It’s cruel! Mr Nichols was cremating his friend to prevent the indignity of the unceremonious and degrading decomposition of his body. "As for why he ate? He told you. He was starving! When was the last time you starved? How about you? I know you’re not starving, except for attention. "Let’s face it. The only reason we’re all here is because cannibalism makes for good television. What better to satiate some preelection hunger pangs than a belly full of media attention? Mr District-Attorney-My-Name-Appears-Second-On-The-Ballot-This-November-Ginsberg knows that! That’s why he’s handling this case personally. Not only does it give him a sensational platform for his shameless self promotion! It also fits his notion of society! That it’s not about understanding the homeless. It’s about prosecuting them! Kind of makes you wonder, who here is really the cannibal?"

As always, I must thank Imamess for her great transcription which allowed me to include the full closing.